Taking Inventory

Feeling quite uncertain and unusually self-protective before a difficult meeting, I asked the Lord for help. The thought to read Psalm 51-64 popped into my head. While reading, David’s vivid words about his enemies, and about fear, trembling, betrayal, and trusting in God prompted these heart-searching questions.

• Is my heart clean?
• Is my heart broken and contrite over my own sins/shortcomings?
• Is my heart deceitful or true?
• Are my words honest?
• Am I trusting in myself or trusting in God?
• Am I fully open and without guile or am I ashamed and hiding something?
• Am I fearful or courageous?
• Would I set free or would I oppress and control to get my way?
• Am I restless, anxious, fretful and troubled or am I at peace?
• Would I destroy, restore or build?
• Am I defensive or trusting?
• Am I accusing or vengeful or am I merciful, forgiving, healing and restoring?
• Do I hate or love?

Later, I added these questions.

• Where have I agreed with darkness?
• Where have I compromised?
• When have I felt gagged and kept silent when conscience said to speak out?
• Am I critical or encouraging?
• Am I determined to make my point or am I willing to listen?
• Must I be right or am I ready and willing to be wrong? To change?
• Must I dominate or can I submit?
• Will I blame another or will I take responsibility for what is mine?
• Do I feel superior or contemptuous or am I humble?

Asking these questions helped me a lot. Merely recognizing that I was anxious, insecure and fearful brought greater trust in God and more peace to my heart. Resolving to speak a full truth, not a partial truth, brought the courage for it. These Psalms reset my wavering and uncertain compass away from my own thinking and toward faith in God and trusting His ways of handling difficult relationships. The meeting seemed to go well. I was able to be honest about my own sins and weaknesses and to speak objectively, without blame or accusation, about the unhealthy actions and choices of others.

That evening, I gratefully shared these questions with a friend. She commented that a willingness to ask the hard questions opens us up for the Holy Spirit’s revelation and activity.

Only in God’s light can we see if we need an adjustment to align ourselves with Him. In seeking Him and His will, He lets us know if we need to change, repent or take some action. When we choose to do our part, to get our “self” out of the way of His wise resolution within our meetings and relationships, He is released to bring His love, mercy, direction and judgment into our affairs.